Taste of Uncertainty

given birth, yes
to be abused
to its death

The idea of turning my study into a book is about my wish to present my path as a piece of my manifesto. This is a kind of a personal subtitlea… My desire that is being accepted by the one and only publisher of CameraLucida is more important than that I turned my path into a book; for me, it is a matter of matching, a multiple discourse. No doubt that turning it into a tangible book gives a different taste but I will not forget the waiting period until reaching that peak tasteb; we need that periods in order to add and subtract. And the moods I had through this period caused numerous conflicts and dissolutions.

While wondering in a big bookstore in Ankara, I was thinking to which shelf my book would be put… Previously I’ve seen some books were placed irrelevant shelves or even some were placed in outdated shelves in far corners (especially the first book of writers and some books that are insignificant for publishers). How is it going to be? A cargo that also has my book will reach this bookstore; the cargo will be opened, the books will be folded and the staff holding my book will turn over and over my book, maybe he will place it to a shelf after consulting to another friend! But to which shelf? To the literary review shelf? Or to the essay shelf? Or to the photography shelf relating to CameraLucida?

Book Cover
How did I stare to the cover example that publisher suggested? Cover was portrait of William Casby taken by Richard Avedon which has been used in plenty of CameraLucida publishing. I remember whimpering after my astonishment: “You didn’t write CameraLucida, you reviewed it!” How much did I interiorize CameraLucida! Of course, having Erol Egemen’s signature on the cover has a different taste: furthermore this cover was also pointing the shelf address of the book (publishing house experiences!).

What if one of us had died while we were working on the last reductions; the publisher or I. I thought about what would happen for a while. How many books died just like this before they were born? Even though I know that people who are used easiness wouldn’t make enough effort to understand what I highlighted; I want(ed) my book to hit the shelves as soon as possible hoping it would increase my possibility to access, precessing in whispers; before ‘it’ dies, I die, we die… Barthes’s idiom “death of author” is another uncertain situation that is wandering in my mind… Yet, thinking Barthes also took the same route, (Sarrasine, Balzac for instance…) dealing with his CameraLucida piece by piece gets me close to the positive side of this metaphoric uncertainty (when a book is published and hits the shelves; he said he author dies and his books reproduce…). I still want to count the effects that I may subject CameraLucida. My aim is reminding the wild nature of these conceptions, warning about effects of this snowballing discourse on crowds; my wish to highlight preferring research to coincidence to reach the truth about anything.

An occurrence under the effect of a discourse is in the intersection set of these manifestations:          
1-Source of execution as pure indicative (the object itself)
2-The one producer thinks
3- The one producer changed to show himself.
4-The one shaped according to receptor’s (reader, viewer) sense. (Second producing)
(Approach of Barthes)

Since reaching to pure signifiers not possible except if it ‘s signifier, itself; any presented representation shapes take place on a scale where representation is getting close to signifier but far away from indicative. Thereby, as a commentator, my and commentator’s after me ideals to get close to the meaning continue, deductions about CameraLucida will not remain limited just with this book. 
a walking to the meaning is homeless, alone after feeling happy
b waiting is show of strength of time… (from Cemal Sureya)
c and if, our appointment will be possible in infinite; then, let something go  off  at half cock!
reading text in TR